Chronicles
Skillet
Prelude
Scholarly Gent: Excuse me Conductor, but how long is it before our next stop?
Conductor: Oh, this little trip shouldn't take more than three hours.
The Adventure
Professor Thaddeus Grimaldi carefully surveyed the situation. He was in the only passenger car in the train, and it was about to be robbed. He was certain none ofthe other passengers realized it yet, for they lacked his native intelligence, but he hoped they'd do something useful in the ensuing gunfight.
As he reached into his jacket for his trusty derringer, the world seemed suddenly to be moving in slow motion, From the back of the train he saw a gunfighter named Laa Laa emerge. Laa Laa was dressed mostly in black and carried a pair of old-fashioned cap and ball guns. Apparently, the only quick about him was his draw, since reloading those things would take far too long. Professor Grim discounted him and looked around for his likely accomplices. There seemed to be only one, a surly Texan whom he had dubbed Mook.
Mook reached for his gun, but before he could reach it, Laa Laa's gun barked and killed a slobbering drunk who had just gotten out of his seat and into the aisle. Grim pondered for a moment on the quirk of fate that had killed the man, then drew his own pistol. A dull ringing sound penetrated his brain and he barely registered the sight of the engineer being thrown off the train.
Suddenly, he awoke with a start. It had been a dream! Thanking his stars, he got out his ticket and showed it to the conductor. He heard Laa Laa ask the conductor where they were, but didn't register the answer. A moment later, the train ground to a halt and the passengers hastened to disembark.
Laa Laa was first and stepped into an impressive duststorm before running for the telegraph office. He was followed by Po, an odd looking fellow with a Scots accent. Po had carried a rifle onto the train and cradled it for the whole trip. Oscar, who looked to be a gambler, also exited the train. The Professor finally awakened the huge bull of a man he'd nicknamed Ardale and offered the lug two bits to carry his luggage to the station.
After catching their breath in the telegraph office, all five men made their way to the Emery, the only hotel in town. They booked the only six rooms in the saloon then tried to make themselves comfortable despite the rather meager accomodations.
At that moment, an ancient looking preacher entered the room. He proclaimed to have foreseen the town's destruction that very night. He further said that only those in the church would be saved from certain death by fire. Professor Grim could see through the man's feeble arguments but watched with interest as several of his fellow passengers were clearly fished in. Wondering what the old man was selling, he decided to tag along.
At the church the man just continued his same sorry rant and showed them to a well-provisioned basement. Even in the dingy cellar, it was clear the storm was getting worse. Laa Laa, who seemed as bright as an unlit candle, decided to sit upstairs so he could better hear the storm. As he and his pal Mook sat up there, they heard a pounding on the door. The rest of the group came up to see what was happening and Laa Laa and Mook opened the door.
It was a man, his skin abraded and hands cut. His family was trapped in their cellar he explained, and needed help. Laa Laa rushed headlong into the storm, followed by the slower moving but equally bright Ardale. Po paused to pull a blanket around himself and went out. Oscar liked the look and, after donning his own blanket, followed Po. The storm was blowing so hard that Oscar could barely see the man in front of him, something he never liked.
The four of them found the house and Ardale cleared some rubble so they could get to the storm cellar. They then headed down the stairs where they found a woman and her two daughters. Laa Laa picked up the woman, pausing briefly to admire her shapely form, then moved back to the stairs, leaving Ardale to get the two girls. Ardale suddenly remembered the man saying something about his son and began combing the rubble.
Po and Oscar stayed at the top of the stairs because there wasn't much room. Oscar spotted a twister headed straight for them. As it closed, the pair realized that it was one, too small for a twister and two, clearly guided by intelligence. Despite their obvious disadvantage, both began shooting at the column of wind. Meanwhile, from inside the church, Mook and Professor Grim saw what happened.
The Professor, not sure why they were shooting, but certain the tornado could be dissipated, ran through the storm to the feed store. Once he got there, he hooked a chain to an ox-yoke and then tied a rope to the chain and headed back out.
Meanwhile, things weren't going so well outside. Laa Laa had been blinded by the wind and the other three were fighting for their lives and not doing very well.
Luckily for the three stooges, Professor Grim was on the case. He threw the rope into the whirlwind, then ducked as it began winding rope onto itself. He had underestimated the strenght of the barn though and the ox yoke was suddenly yanked free.
The creature, for there was indeed a large, spiked snake at the heart of the maelstrom, began lurching wildly, pulled off balance by the weight of the yoke. Eventually, the yoke smashed through the wall of the church and became stuck. The creature was unable to stop quickly enough and was soon thrown through the wall of the church itself.
Now that the creature lay dying, Oscar and Laa Laa rushed into the church and began firing madly. Po and Ardale, led by the redoubtable Professor Grim, rescued the children. Grim, by virtue of his superior medical training, was able to save the life of even the badly injured boy.
Quotebag
Steve: I walk behind Tim, he looks like he'll make a good wind break
Joe: You notice one gunfighter whisperin' to the other
Steve: Do they get a room together?Ardale: I only have one bit left
Professor Grimaldi: Have you checked your pockets? Perhaps they have a hole.
Ardale: Just the one at the top.Laa Laa: Seein' how this is a church, you got anything to drink here?
Preacher: She keeps women there and the town tolerates it!
Laa Laa: I didn't see any girls
Preacher: She sent 'em home. The Lord don't tolerate it!
Laa Laa: I don't tolerate a saloon with no girls either!Guy: My house has collapsed and my family is trapped in the cellar!
Dave: Was his wife cute?Professor Grimaldi: In the future, if I need any of your help, I'll be happy to say “Hey you, Mook, help me.”
The GM calls for actions in six
Dave (tossing down three sixes): Number of the beast.
Joe throws him a chip
Noteworthy
Skillet as in frying pan as in "out of the frying pan, into the fire."
Made up names are only slightly lamer than the ones actually chosen by the players.
Hu Shude has the sexual prowess of a dragon.