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Man of Constant Sorrow
- Its has been my honor to collect some the untold stories of band of heroes known as “Those guys”, one of the main sources of my information has been the elderly but hale warrior known as Farrol Piecekeeper, a man famed for his skill at arms which often exceeds that of his master the famed Warlord Archduke Ulrich Von Klipstein, even while wielding a simple stick compared to the unknowable might of Klipstien’s as of yet unnamed major artifact sword, as Squire Farrol says, “It the man, not the weapon.”
My personal contact with “Those guys” started with their return to the Isle of Toads, I learned that they had journeyed to another plane to fight a great evil which was neither all that evil or that great, the details were unclear to Farrol since they seemed to consist of “We went somewhere, killed a bunch of people, blew up a elf, then came back.”
The elf in question was one Owlnulick, a sea elf who was fond of repeatedly wandering off on his own into the middle of a group of enemies and then letting them all known he was there, a tactic that had finally failed him as both he and a group of artillerists when up in a large explosion. After defeating the remaining forces of the Warlord “Those Guys” returned to find that over a year had passed.
The bard Xabarra.
After returning from a years absence Farrol and “Those guys” found that everyone had assumed them dead, after reassuring their families and underlines of their continued existence and reclaiming their possession of the Tower of the Elements.
Hearing of the invasion of Ulrich’s homeland, they journeyed to Kryll.
After decimating most of some small bands of Swynkurs war bands, Farrol suggested that their efforts would be better used in finding the main army of the ogres, with a quick teleportation they found them selves in the midst of a army of ogres, ogre magi, giants, orcs, hobgoblins, kobolds, bugbears, bandits, gnolls, trolls, and other miscellaneous vermin.
Fearing that the vermin would simply flee before them Farrol used a wish to draw them toward the folding tower of the Pallegani and pack them into the area of effect of Toglard’s spells.
After laying waste to vast numbers of vermin, Farrol was surprised to see the folding tower engulfed in a pillar of light, which annoyed “Those guys”, caught within it and slew all the surrounding vermin. Some of the surviving vermin began to writhe and mutate before Toglard burned them from existence.
Appearing in the sky was a image of a fuzzy generic evil overlord and his top three lackeys one of whom had already fallen under the weakest blow of “Those guys” but was know wearing once again the armor that had been striped from his still warm corpse and tossed into a closet of the Tower of elements.
With a shrug of indifference “Those guys” returned to the island of Toads to plan.
The Bard Xabarra.
After returning to the tower of the Elements, Farrol managed figure out since all the major rings of force has access to the tower of the Elements, so too must the tower have the ability to manipulate the forces of the rings with in its self, such as time.
Toglard and other scholars set them selves up with in a small series of room and advance the time ratio so that a year would pass within while only a day passed in the real world.
Mean while Farrol, Ulrich and Shane lee tried to use the Ring of Water to regain access to the Ship of sea and earth, but the lord of water had passed on his stewardship to the lord of earth. The lord of earth agreed to give the use of the ship in return for a favor, first forcing Ulrich to beat up some elemental for no apparent reason. The ship was gained but only after the lord of earth had striped it of all useful equipment..
A journey to the forbidding isles was undertaken to find the staff of bone, the only entrance into the isles was through a narrow sea passage through the surrounding ring of mountains, a passage smaller then the ships the amazons had been using so freely.
The passage was guarded by a few weak elementals, who were quickly beaten.
The Bard Xabarra.
After passing through the mountains of the forgotten isles “Those guys” sailed into the dead magic zone stopping only to take on a group of hostages from the amazons to ensure that they would not interfere with their expedition. “Those guys” arrived on a large unoccupied island and fought some cats and dogs who had lived in a magic dead area for eons and yet had magic resistance… Farrol was quite angered that the amazons had chosen to leave their homelands to conquer the lands of other while large tracks of real estate were left untouched in their own home lands.
After thrashing some cats and chasing off some dogs “Those guys” stepped into a area rich in magical energy which bound its self to the faith spell tract residual left from cast spell and rewove them, even as they sucked the life force from the Amazon bearers.
Seeing a large building up ahead guarded by two large statues “Those guys” began to prepare to fight the sure to become animated statues, pausing only to nod at Farrol’s sarcastic remark that this was sure to the time that the building animated and attacked while the statues remained still, a remark that would prove to be prophetic.
The Bard Xabarra
After smashing the two statures to pieces and blasting the doors open, Farrol picked up the key from the golem’s rubble and the lock from the remnants of the door.
After climbing up 6 stories of the 4 story building “Those Guys” found a library that recorded all known history, and insisting on sharing too much of it with the group.
After dragging out a few bits of useful information and a torrent of things they had all ready known and not cared about the first time they heard it, Toglard used a spell to lead them to the room the staff of bone was in, leading them pass the living changing passages of the building to a series of three room filled with undead and giant ruby gem transports. Finally they ended up in the room that the staff had been in, only to find that it was not... After finding 4 concealed doors in the featureless room…Farrol used a spell to guide them to the correct door that led them into another plane, only to be annoyed by a large fire breathing winged lizard, a beast that was obviously too stupid to have collected treasure of its own.
The Bard Xabarra. - We go to the waste.
We waste some time waiting there
We kill some undead. - A spell is then cast
Take us where we need to be
Tell us what to do
In the elven woods
The wood folk are slaughtered
Like crippled sheep
We kill the soldiers
Then some go south, others north
South we find nothing
In the north a fight
Between a twerp and a fop.
The twerp proves weaker
A spell turns back time
They arrive to stop the fight
The back stabber fall
The twerp complains
He says it’s his time to die
Sounds good, they kill him
Black magic armor
Alive and matching the sword.
I cannot break them
The Sword of the fop
Opposite to Ulric’s sword
Where is his armor? - We go to Tower
I find nothing of use inside.
It’s Large yet boring
We open a door.
We go to the prisoners.
We do not find god.
We travel by spell.
We find traitorous old man.
We beat him silly.
He cannot be hurt.
By any except Morduke.
That must be nice. Feh.
I pin him helpless.
Then Morduke chops off his head.
A waste of their effort.
Assassin appears.
Appears to be very skilled.
He goes away now.
Wizard jump in Pearl.
Find feeble god in the hole.
Rolls eyes and frees him.
Then he shows his face.
Evil traitor wizard Gimp.
Nothing left to bag.
God freed from prison.
Rewards given to us all.
Traitors all dead now. - Cats lurk in shadows
They attack and strike a wall
In moments they die.
Unseen we walk in
Forgoten beasts dig down deep
Poisen gas kills all
A survivor speaks
They searched for a dead god
Why did we bother
We look for the Sage
I find the door to his home
Yet no ring is found
A grave disturbed
Some one was here before us
Has the ring been found
Riders come in force
Servents of a evil god
Bold demands they make
Riders charge at us
Many spells rain down on them
All of them die quick
Now we find the Sage
He says the grave was a fake
Then we get the ring - To the sea we rode
The fragment of fire won
Its powers unknown
A lackey meets us
A kin slayer plots trouble
His death is assured
A journey by sea
Ours plans to avoid the foe
Is futility
The ship in the sea
Two chase and try to board
Watch then sink and burn
The crew is gone
A ship of legends gained
No explanation - Cousin or brother
Are any of us quite sure?
Either way he dies
A usurper found
No reason no the kill him
But still we do not
Chaos is feared
By sheep who did not stop him
Who now fear his lose
A sack suspended
The kin slayer could be bound
Then beaten till dead
But a trial is set
A chance for revenge passed
Is he a coward?
Falsified letters
His true parentage found out
It just don’t matter
His crimes revealed
The traitor is exiled
We will meet again - The witches had come
They have landed, soon they die.
Carrion to be.
A wish is granted.
A lock of hair for a spell.
No hiding for them
A door is opened.
Their leaders die all too quick.
Not painful enough.
We are miles away
In an instant they find us.
Yeah, right, of course, pfft.
Their airships appear
As slow and clumsy as slugs.
We slap them down hard.
The women die well
They take many blows to kill
I give them no mercy.
Now another door.
A black ball appears, looks bad.
Blows up and hurts me.
Here comes the wizard
He is very angry now.
He goes to their camp.
First they die by flame.
Then they die in poison gas
Then he makes a wish.
Bitter Irony
Their gems turn on their masters.
Drains life from their flesh.
Their precious gems.
Scourge of spells, their only edge.
Now is their weakness.
Is the war over?
Will they still fight with even odds?
I can only hope. - Farrols got a gun.
It blows big holes in mountains.
Nothing is more fun.
Women are all dead.
So we sail the coast in search.
More death and mayhem.
The first town we find.
Choked with priests of fool god.
We find them, they die. - Another temple.
Walls shut with stone and fire.
Priests float up above.
Vermin fill the walls.
They bite and sting all within.
Blades trap all inside.
To the roof I climb.
Looking for mayhem I go.
Voices come up stairs.
Walls vanish, doors fall.
They wither and die in pain.
Those still live face me.
They speak blasphemy.
My head rocks back in a daze.
Then I crush them all.
Another temple.
Walls shut up, sealed in stone.
Except for one hole.
Clouds of poison gas.
Fills the halls of the temple.
They die like vermin. - The priests destroyed.
Holy man calls in some help.
Horde of temple folk.
A tour of temples.
His leader asks to hold sword.
Unseen Betrayal.
For reasons unknown.
By a logic beyond ours.
He betrays his own.
The head of a faith.
Turns his back on his own god.
Betrays his own church.
A wish is granted.
Stupid priests attack alerts mage.
All come running there.
A assassin strikes.
The priest’s senses give warning.
It does not helps him.
Holy spells are cast.
Against priests they are too weak.
Then the rest arrive.
All their hope is lost.
Against all of us, they lose.
So they call their god.
Glowing magic boy.
He has Monty haul powers.
Makes me run away.
The wizard is freed.
The gods bleeds like whiney bitch.
Flees like dog he is.
Sword he takes away.
Minions he rescues too.
He also does taunts us.
He claims Gramlock weak.
Top god of good pantheon.
Is somehow dieing.
Most popular god.
Is somehow becoming weak.
From lack of belief.
Morduke confused.
Talk to his god just last weak.
Subject not come up?
Strange man show up now.
He yaps at us for a while.
Too much to take in.
A short version.
The women once ruled all.
And want to again.
Evil god from beyond.
Before he can arrive here.
Needs a god killed.
To stop the bugger.
We must go to the heavens.
To rescue Gramlock. - I look for items.
Enchantments for me to buy.
Everyone follows.
The sword of Ulric.
Is not the sword of his clan.
How did he not know?
To the clan castle.
Deep in bowels of the place.
A door forbidden.
Two undead approach.
Only visible to me.
I pass on my robe.
Garbed in magic.
Ulric fights the undead guards.
Flawless victory.
He passes from sight.
Ulric claims a chatty sword.
It yaps not too much.
We sail for a while.
To Toglardia island.
Where giants are found.
We fight pass the pest.
The elf walks alone ahead.
He returns bleeding.
Chased by demons.
Elementals of the air.
The fragment in hand.
The monk opens holes.
We assemble the one ring.
The demons grovel.
Shields, rings, staves, swords, ships.
A gift of sheer fighting skill.
Nothing for Ferrol.
Always I will be.
A Man of constant sorrow.
Never a Hero. - With staff in hand they decide it's time to leave,
But some trecherous amazons disagree.
With a arrow sunk into thier general's eye,
We inform them it's time for us to say Bye.
They bitch and moan, claiming they can defeat us,
but we leave since killing them all would be a fuss.
Diplomatic ships sunk by bitches,
We track down the killers with a few wishes. - In a cave filled with ships full of shrews,
We kill a lot of them, the least we can do.
With all too many to waste our time,
Malik blows the horn which purpose he would find.
A big smelly demon appears all pissed,
claimed their are parts of the horn we missed.
Shane stops time and makes lights,
and big smelly goes away without a fight. - WIth thier ships cursed and thier cavern flooded,
with leave thier corpses to become rotted.
We return to the tower and wait,
For toglard to finish his date. - To the undead lands we go,
Where the undead line up to die all in a row.
We hack and bash for days on end,
then decide to the staff of bone to lend. - More dead meet thier makers,
I still want to continue, but I'M the only taker.
To the tower we return,
for what clues we can discurn. - To the isle of magic we go,
to the frozen north in the snow.
Another lizard we destroy and devour,
While magic swords prove to be cowards.
Many wizards in a hole,
Awaken things called dragons I now know.
Walls of light annoy,
Balls of fire destroy.
Valjean's returns from the dead,
once again I crush his head.
A big nasty thing gets added to the mill,
and Gramlock appears to steal our kill.
The ring of planes that we pursused,
is gained and sits on Gusmers finger unused. - To a land of dead things we go,
to find theador who is a necro.
To him we give the staff of bone,
and he sleep all the undead within the zone.
In return for keeping the staff,
He will go to his home and never come back. - Skills of warrior, thief, and wizard are mine,
to add priest, a ring I will find.
In a temple all dusty and grey,
I look around for my prey.
The elf I seek is long dead,
I will raise him for the information in his head.
As long as I'm here I look around,
and find a door still sealed and sound.
What do I find but a bunch of undead,
in a good temple so I crush thier heads.
Still more appear and guard a door of rock,
which something evil would keep locked.
What good diety would use undead,
To guard a door with no warning to be read.
I pick the lock and open the seal,
For a evil dead god who wants a meal.
The other appear and claim I should have known,
that a door gaurded by undead should be left alone.
Why I ask did they not show up before,
while I was still fighting to reach the door.
Why would gramlock use creatures of evil,
and leave no warning givieng details.
But they can only mutter and shrug,
While I fight to kill the divine thug.
Once again I fell that day,
reborn again to continue the fray. - The ring of time we decide to claim,
then we have magic items and a story most lame. - The princes of the rings are gone from home,
so all across the realms we rome.
Gusmer claims he can find them at any time,
and leads us no where from the scene of the crime.
After his wild goose chase,
We go to the abyss to a demon's place.
We wander in looking for a shortcut,
Only to find some demons in rut. - From fight to fight we wander,
never getting a single clue to ponder.
We gind a gypsy on her way in,
to travel a maze where we could have begin.
We kill two fiend more powerfull then thier lord,
gaurding a unimportant room and a feeble horde.
Haveing lost interest in rescueing anyone,
we decide to visit morduke just for fun. - In a prison of a god most lame,
Morduke is found nearly unmade.
His sword shield and ring are gone,
and his is imprisoned with nothing much on.
Done with his pleasure on the priest,
The god allows him to be relased.
To Krill we go to save the day,
but they will not let me have my way.
The king is a problem they say,
but I can't kill him as my pray.
They look in books and find,
A crown to fine the heir defined.
One problem does make ulric see red
The crown is on the lame god head.
We call him lame god now it's true,
but once he was called krill too. - To a dinner party we go unarmed,
to dine with the pretender I want to harm.
Then to the lame god's castle we go,
at his inventation we travel below.
Death knights fall no problem and quick,
but a gibbering mouther does the trick.
While I stand confused and without sight,
Ulric attacks me with all his might.
I walk away from his imputent strike without pause,
and charge up to attack the confusions cause.
A moment later it falls and dies,
while stopping Ulrics continueing attack no one tries.
Once again I die that day,
while the two fools take my staff away.
What is up with them and my stick,
I don't even hit the floor and they already got thier hands on it. - Test.
- I journey to the isle of Ambroe
To fix some things destroyed by a foe.
But no one would deal in things magical,
because of some mage getting buricratical.
Nothing I will do for you at all.
Unless you deliver Toglard the prodical.
I returned with empthy hands.
To rejoin the delving with my band.
Then we fought some roaches in a room,
By fighting us they met thier doom.
Then we came to a room of light.
just in time for another fight.
Poisen gas, flash of darkness.
Beasts that fight with magic suppressed.
Women and children being torchered,
Who they are remain a cypher.
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